you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
