I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
