Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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