Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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