He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
