he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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