put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
