i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
