Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
