We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Terrible idea I love it
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
