Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We talked him into tasing himself.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
