Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
