what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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