Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
