It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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