Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize