Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
