Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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