just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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