i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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