you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize