its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I use my feet as sexual weapons
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
