Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
