I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
