so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
