She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
