Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
