Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
