How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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