Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
