Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
