Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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