She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
They took my balls.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Randomize
