She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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