So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
