Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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