I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize