We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
