I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
