haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
