I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
