Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
