Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
