I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Blow job season was short but glorious.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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