apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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