I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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