My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
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