remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
