All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
True strength comes from lack of pants
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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