So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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