I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
