you will always have a special place in my vag
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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