Who wears a wallet chain?!
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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