Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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