the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize