I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
