I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
