I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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