I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
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