and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
