I wish my penis had an off switch
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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