on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
