Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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