She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
