Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
