he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
