you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You took a bar mat shot.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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