the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
