is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
