She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
