he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
