Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
