so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
