I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
