the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
