the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Two words: blizzard sex
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
