tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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