yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
