he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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