As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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