i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
