New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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