Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize