Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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