I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
