And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
