I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize