It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
