Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
