saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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