I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
