watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
she peed on how many people?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i came on her dog
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
