shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
