where's my purse there's an important taco in it
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
