so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
