How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
