i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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