on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize