I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
