Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
